Remember, kids, reaping burns a lot of calories.

As NBC’s late-night wars heat up, we here at Registered Weapon would like to declare our allegiance to Team CoCo. If all Conan O’Brien had ever done in his life was write the monorail episode of The Simpsons, he would be assured a place in comedy heaven. But in addition to that triumph, he has brought the world sixteen years and counting of amazing comedy and forever ruined my sleep schedule. From the Masturbating Bear to Cody Devereaux, he is the comedy pinata that will never stop spewing forth its hilarious guts. However this whole mess shakes out, CoCo, know that you have our unending support.

(Gardner spent a really long time the other day drawing Conan’s hair in the hopes of making T-shirts, but when he went online after finishing it he discovered that the great I’m With CoCo by Mike Mitchell had already become the go-to Conan support image (and deservedly so). Oh well. An hour in internet time is like a week in real time. We post the image here for your amusement anyway. He really did put a lot of effort into drawing that hair.)

This is it: the final Registered Weapon update of 2009. Thank you so much for visiting and reading this year, and we’ll see you right here next year–i.e. tomorrow–with the final installment of the Race Baño adventure “Feliz Navidead.”

In the meantime, enjoy this video of Gardner, aka The Grassy Beast, performing his hit Lost anthem “In the Swan” at the 400 Block Bar in Rome, GA over the Christmas break:

Here’s a taste of what went down last Saturday at the Caledonia in Athens when The Grassy Beast invaded XXXmas:

Come back on Saturday for a jumbo-size post-Christmas Police Blotter. And be here tomorrow for the fourth episode of “Feliz Navidead.”

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today’s Police Blotter brought to you by The Grassy Beast and XXXMas.

Hey! Do you like voting for things? Do you like tiny, tiny short stories? Then go check out the first-round winners in Group 4 of the Tweet Me a Story contest, and vote for mine! It’s the one with my name on it (Gardner Linn, if you’ve forgotten). More info on Tweet Me a Story here.

Happy birthday, Will.